One day I went to the doctor and he told me I needed to lose a little weight. Do not get me wrong. I was not fat, but I did have some flab here and there.
I took his statement too literal.
I lost 35 pounds in about two months. Leaving me at a weight of 105. I am 5'3" and my recommended weight is 120, but not everyone is the same.
I looked like I could fall apart, as people said, and looking back on pictures I was definitely too skinny. Unfortunately at the time I saw myself very differently.
Looking in the mirror was like looking at Shamu the whale from Sea World.
I saw myself like this girl....
I looked like I could fall apart, as people said, and looking back on pictures I was definitely too skinny. Unfortunately at the time I saw myself very differently.
Looking in the mirror was like looking at Shamu the whale from Sea World.
I saw myself like this girl....
Anorexia caused many problems for my well being, but I had no idea.
I took laxatives, diet pills, threw up, missed meals and exercised strenuously for long periods of time.
During the winter my fingers turned purple.
None of my clothes fit right.
I was tired constantly.
My body was all bone.
People stop complementing me and started to become worried.
They asked me if I was okay.
Instead of "you look great," I got "you look sickly."
My stomach cramped more than ever.
I had no period, which will affect me for the rest of my life.
My grades dropped.
Depression took over my life.
I woke up every morning dreading the day and wondering why I was still in the world.
I was admitted to the hospital, the doctors did several tests, gave me some of the complications I would live with forever and then I was admitted to Summit Ridge, a mental facility. Summit Ridge is a memory I wish would go away, but I cannot change my past, only my future. I did not change, the hospital did not help and now I know why.
Because I was leaving God out of my life.
However then I thought everything was okay until I began slipping back into the pattern of my old life. I was awakened by the news of my father, my best friend in the world. My father has changed my life forever.
But everyday I thank the Lord for the love he has filled me with, the blessings he gives me everyday, and the healing granted to me by our forgiving God.
I now view myself as a beautiful women, a women of God, a child of God, and I am stronger more now than ever.
Because of all the pills I now have stomach problems.
I get bad cramps when I eat sometimes.
My stomach constantly hurts and feels nauseated.
Complications in pregnancy is expected.
The things I did in my life will never leave me, but I can only look forward.
Was it all worth it?
Nope...
We are all creatures of God and all beautiful to Him. That is all that really matters in life.
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